I’m 8 months in to my marriage and I’m about to get really raw with you. It’s hard. Partly because man, is this first year a doozy, which I’ll go further into a later post, but also because I tend to be pretty hard on myself as a first time wife (and as a person in general). I want everything to be the best it can possibly be. I’m guessing I may not be alone in this. As one of my mentors told me, “There is something about that dang piece of paper that just changes everything and throws you for a loop.” At least it did for me/us.
For instance, if I don’t have enough energy to clean up and do chores when I get home because I worked a long day with longer commute hours, I feel terrible and freak out if my husband does too much work to keep the apartment from becoming a disaster. And the other night I attempted to make this healthy summer vegan pasta and it turned out a clumpy mess. I cried. I want so badly to be able to balance everything, but the reality is, no one is perfectly balanced. I’m pretty sure that this thing called life – married or not – is an ongoing learning process. Learning to do certain things, learning to let go, learning to budget more, learning to grow along side another person, and especially learning to be more patient with and gentler on ourselves. I really struggle with that.
I recently had a long talk with my sister-in-law that made me feel way less crazy in terms of how I was feeling and what I was struggling with internally as far as being a wife. Apparently, practice helps. So there’s hope that us newbies will get better in the future. I also have to let go of the need to be some perfect housewife because guess what – its 2018 and I work and commute and have other obligations and I’m never going to be perfect. I just need to find that middle ground – we all do.
So if you’re a first time wife, or a girlfriend who just moved in with her boyfriend, or a second or third time wife and you are struggling with trying to be perfect for your counterpart, you’re not alone. I’m right here with you. Try to give yourself a break. Know that there is a learning curve…sometimes a big one. Just be the best you can be, know that there is give and take and ebbs and flows, and times when each of you will have to pick up some of the slack. And I’m learning that that’s commitment.
Welcome to married life and all that comes with it.
Savor it, enjoy it, and breathe through the tough parts.